Wednesday, September 14, 2011

How does this sound for the beginning of a story? (Different from what I usually write)?

I had a very weird dream last night, which inspired me to write this. I don't know if I want to turn this into a story or not, so I wanted you guys to read what I have written so far. If I choose to make this a story, I may make it just a dream scene, or it may be the entire basis for the story. Tell me what you think:







Chapter One - Devastation and Ecstasy



Neil hardly even knew the girl who stood in front of him, holding a baby (obviously hers), but he did know that she would shortly become one of the most important people in his life, whether he wanted her to or not.

Of course, he had seen her before. In seventh grade, Neil indirectly asked her out, which elicited from her a terse reply of “no”. Neil was crushed, but he moved on. There would be other girls.

Somehow, he knew that their paths would cross again.

He thought back to several events in the past few years, trying to come up with some sort of connection between them that would bring them to this place – the courthouse.

He thought of events where they would both have been at. School events? No, that was impossible. Social events? Yes, he thought, she was at Jennie’s party just over nine months ago.

His eyes widened. Nine months. Could it be? It had to be. But surely, he would have known. But it was dark, he remembered. His pupils dilated. %26quot;Oh, no%26quot;, he whispered to himself.

The girl’s parents stepped forward to give their first statement to the judge. They began.

“Your honor, after several blood tests, we have confirmed that this juvenile here,” the father gestured to Neil, “is the biological father to my daughter’s baby.” Neil buried his face in his hands, knowing that it was all too true. Even without the blood tests to prove it, the baby was indubitably his child.

Neil’s parents, who seemed to be skeptical about the validity of the girl’s accusations at first, now comprehended the truth. His mother turned to give him a cold, angry look of fury and despair. His father couldn’t even look at him. Neil quietly sobbed at the realization of what his life was about to become. He knew his parents, and vaguely knew the attitudes of the girl’s parents. He had full knowledge of what this was going to come to.



**********************

Many statements and pieces of evidence later, it was finished. Neil was the father of the baby. Two stunning changes to his life, he knew, were just on the precipice of occurring.

For one, his parents were kicking him out of the house. At only fifteen, Neil was stunned to hear what they were going to do to him just because of a mistake he made over nine months ago. Fortunately, and also unfortunately, the girl’s (whose name was Sky) parents would be adopting him into their home, to help take care of the baby.

The other change was a shocking blow to Neil. He kept replaying that terrible sentence in his head, each time being more and more horrified as to what it meant for his future. The judge decreed, after being handed a signed consent form from Neil’s parents, that Neil and Sky were to be wedded on the eleventh of August. Sky's parents were stubborn, and would think it sinful if they went unmarried.

It felt like Neil’s world had gone black. His parents, of course, now didn’t care about his future, so, when Sky’s parents demanded them to sign a marriage consent form, they went ahead, without even the slightest hint of hesitation.

Neil knew that unless Sky and him somehow developed a bond (which was near impossible), his life would now become hell, married to a woman (A girl!) that he didn’t even know.How does this sound for the beginning of a story? (Different from what I usually write)?
I really like it. Its amazing no ones ever thought of it before. Hurry up and write it before some else does.How does this sound for the beginning of a story? (Different from what I usually write)?
wow, thats really good! kind of scary, which is a good opener. good luck!!How does this sound for the beginning of a story? (Different from what I usually write)?
That's harsh. I hope it's not secretly about your own life. The parents of that boy sound harsh. Most parents are understanding and embrace a new life especially coming from their own bloodline at such a young age. Why does Neil have blackouts or bouts of amnesia? Why does he choose not to remember the most crucial moments of his life, such as the sexual act that led to this pregnancy, to the burgeoning relationship between himself and Sky?



Good opening, but not very credible for me, because it doesn't seem like the parents or Neil himself had a natural reaction. I don't think a judge can force a marriage between two teenagers just because they had a kid together.