Chapter 1
I haven’t thrown a tantrum since I was three, and I’m fifteen. So when I start screaming my parents were in total shock.
My mother closes her eyes and shakes her head slowly. “Haven, it’s only going to be for a year or so. It all depends on how long it takes for us to get settled. I didn’t think it was fair to just take you out of school. Besides, your grandma, Bertha, already enrolled you in school. It starts in two weeks.”
I know this is stupid and kidish, but I stomp my foot, and start to cry. (Ouch, not smart! I’m barefoot and this tile is unreasonably hard.)
“But! I can’t just leave all my friends,” Okay, so I had two, and an on and off again boyfriend named R.J, but I wasn’t exactly that upset to the thought of leaving him. But Maddy and Sarah were the best friends any girl could ask for. That sounds very cliché I know. We met in pre-school when we all three wore the EXACT same pink watermelon dress to school! No kidding.
Since then we were inseparable. Our parents soon became close friends from all the years of hanging out. We all even went on cruise together. Good times. Except when I almost went over board, but that’s a totally different story.
“They can visit! Missouri is not as far away as you think from Miami.” She said hopeful.
Wtf. Missouri? Why were they doing this to me? I love Miami and I have so many plans in my life that involve and can only be done in Miami. The beach is a plus too! Who doesn’t want to live only a few blocks away from the beach? Well, maybe some whacked out crazy people don’t, but they have some serious problems.
“WHY are you guys doing this to me,” I repeat out loud. Well, in a way I do know why but I’m not happy about that reason.
“Haven Leigh, “My father said louder than needed, and who has been holding his breath the whole time because he can’t handle all these tears and girly reactions. “Your mother and I have worked long and hard for this photography job our whole lives and you know that. We already told you something like this might happen when we applied. You’re just going to have to deal with this because what’s done is done, you will soon adjust, and you do well with that.”
What the hell is this mans problem? I haven’t exactly had to adjust to anything! I’ve always just been there, you know? I’ve been to the same school since kindergarten, never had to adjust to a new sibling (thank god, those things sound horrid), what is he talking about?!
“Trust us Bree it’s for the best” He added more quietly.
“Only for the best my butt! That’s bullshit,” I scream.
I am not being over dramatic; anyone would do this under these circumstances. Miami was my life; not Missouri. Where the heck is Missouri even at? Never been there and you never hear anything about it! Well besides David Cook being from there an all, but no offence to you Missourians, but Missouri sounds like MISARY. MISARY. MISARY. MISARY. AHHHHH.
I look at my once again shocked parents and watch their expressions change from shocked, angry to hurt.
*********THIS IS JUST A FEW PARAGRAPHS FROM THE FIRST CHAPTER******************What do you think of my story I%26039;m writing? Feedback please :D!?
It needs some work. Try not to type in all caps, it's not very professional. And work on the dialogue; it needs to sound more real. You give away a little too much about your character. Show things, don't tell them. Instead of having your character tell her parents about the pink dress, have your character and her friend reminisce about it.
All in all, it is not bad but it is not fabulous either.
Keep writing and don't get discouraged. The more you write, the better you will get.What do you think of my story I%26039;m writing? Feedback please :D!?
I think it sounds ametuer. Sorry.What do you think of my story I%26039;m writing? Feedback please :D!?
Awkward!What do you think of my story I%26039;m writing? Feedback please :D!?
well... it was... okay. Not the best but not bad either. I am a writer too and I was just wondering how old you are. Your writing is just... well not very adult like, very kiddish, and that's not a bad thing either but it's not great. Your story sounds too much like others, lots of stories start with people moving and going through that, maybe come up with something more original and try to grip people's interest in the beginning, no one is going to want to read unless it sounds interesting in the beginning.
HIH! and GOOD LUCK!What do you think of my story I%26039;m writing? Feedback please :D!?
I like it, but it could use a little work. There are some parts that sound really nice, like the intro definitely hooks me, but then other spots don't quite seem to flow right. Good luck with this! Keep writing!What do you think of my story I%26039;m writing? Feedback please :D!?
A tad amateur.
