Because of the separation, the degree program that I was seeking became an almost a non-viable option for me without the support from my family I need (they don't think that the degree I want is worth them supporting me for the extra length of time to obtain it) and because I have my son full time. Currently, I am enrolled to start a medical technology program that would fast track me a career with decent pay, but it isn't what I want to do.
Recently, my ex suggested to me that he would be willing to take full custody of our son so I could go away to school to get the degree I want (biochemical engineering). My family seems to think it's a pretty horrible idea; I'm pretty sure they feel like I am abandoning my child. I love my son but I have been putting off the dream of pursuing this education for many years.
I was originally going to go off to university until I found out that I was pregnant, and then I was going to go again after my son was about 6 months old but my ex's work schedule made that impossible. So now that we aren't together, I have had to find my own way, and I am very grateful for all the help and opportunities I do have, but I still have this nagging desire to pursue this dream. But at what cost? Many people that I have talked to seem to think that this is not in the best interest of my child, and that he will resent me for leaving him. If I were to give custody over I would still be sure to see him often and would like to have him over school breaks. Also, I would phase the custody over the next year from me being the primary to my ex being the primary so it isn't a shocking change for my son, and so I can see how he responds to the switch and what the potential problems are. One obvious problem so far is that my family is scared that giving up custody means that they won't see my son very much and that I will lose touch and influence with him. Also, people have expressed worry as to how my ex would parent, coming from a broken home himself. I personally do not believe him to be a bad father. If I did I wouldn't even consider it. Sure, maybe he's not the perfect father; he has his flaws but so do I, and so do we all.
It is possible that my ex and I might be able to work-out a joint custody arrangement where we each have our son for half of the year, meaning that I would have to take him to school with me for 1 semester. I am not totally opposed to this but I am not sure if that would be even more troubling to such a young child. It is also a possibility that I could take him with me full-time, but I'm not sure that that arrangement would be fair to either one of us because he would be in daycare all day (and not with his grandma) and then my attention would be very split because of my responsibilities to him and to school (just as it is now but maybe even more so because the course work is more demanding.)
Also, there is this very selfish desire for me to be out on my own- I feel like I have been tied down to so many wrong things for such a long time that I haven't been able to find myself and that I need some self-discovery time. I'm not saying that my son is a wrong thing, but I feel like maybe because of the short-comings that I have within myself that I may not be the best choice to parent my son at this point in my life. I'm not saying that I will feel like this always but if I don't do the thing that is troubling my heart will I always feel slighted and then grow to be resentfull? Or if I do it, will I be angry with myself in the future for giving over custody because I was too unsure about myself that I became weak? So many different and tough choices, please give me your input!Give custody to father to pursue school?
You need to take a long, hard look at your situation. It's definitely apperent that you love your son, considering you have out so much aside already for him. You need to decide if it is more importent for you to get this degree, and be done with it, or wait until he is older school age and go then. No one on this website can tell you what's best for you and your son. You need to decide what is in the best interest of you, your son, and your career. Give custody to father to pursue school?
Follow your dreams! You HAVE to live by example. I did exactly what you are contemplating... now I am in law school! Don't sell yourself short just because you are a women! Be someone your son can admire, and always take care of yourself! Stay at home moms, SHUT UP! Live your dreams! U only get 1
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Give custody to father to pursue school?wait to go back to school. you'll never see him if he has full custody.Give custody to father to pursue school?
You can arrange any custody you want. Just go through lawyers and finalize it.Give custody to father to pursue school?
Once you decided to have a child any CAREER moves you want to make be it school or job is now on hold. You are now obligated to be there for your child until he is 18. You do how ever need to make sure you can house and feed and be there for your child. It is good that your family is helping you but if they say its a bad idea then maybe you should listen. Kids stay young only ONCE. Miss out and you cant ever get that time back. Your child is young and needs you. So you wont be rich or have super nice things. So what. But at least your child will have his mommy. Nothing replaces good raising of children like a mommy. Or in some cases daddy. Listen to your family. Work on your career LATER. Like when your child is 18. This whole feminist attitude that has been throwen down our throats since the 60's has totaly RUINED the structer of family values. Kids now raise them selves. No wonder so many have emotional problems.Give custody to father to pursue school?
If I were you (of course, I'm not), I would put off going back to school until he was much older. I am currently going to school online to be a teacher (that has been my dream since I was a little girl). If my schooling interferes with children's lives, I will put my schooling off for a while. And when I have my degree and I see that my children happen to need me at home more (they will both be in school then, though), I will put off my career for how ever long I need to.
I'm not at all saying you are a bad mother or that I am a perfect one (I'm not). Give custody to father to pursue school?
If it were me, I would wait until he was school age. You can always go and get your degree/find yourself/etc but your little boy will only be young once. However, I'm not you and only you can make that decision for yourself.Give custody to father to pursue school?
First off, there is not great demand for biochemical engineers and most must relocate to an area in which they can gain employment upon graduation. Would you be guaranteed a job near your son once you graduate? Probably not.
This makes the decision pretty easy in my eyes. It is not like you are working towards a degree in teaching, nursing, physical therapy, etc.......or a multitude of other occupations in which finding a job near your son would be almost a given. With a degree in biochemical engineering that is not even a remote possibility.
Your last paragraph says it all. You do not want to be tied down.......period. You are not ready to care for and raise your child %26quot;full-time%26quot;. Who is anyone to judge you if that is how you feel. However, you were 23 when you had your son, plenty old enough to make responsible decisions. You obviously did not make the best decision. Has three years given you the chance to grow enough emotionally and mentally to be able to make such a decision now?
Think long and hard. This is life changing for all involved. Whatever you decide, be sure that you can move forward with no regrets.Give custody to father to pursue school?
If you give your son to your ex and go to school, chances are, you are not going to get him back. So you need to think long and hard about that. If you feel like your son will be better off with his dad, then by all means, do the noble thing and give him over. You should check with the university you want to go to first though. A lot of university's offer day care for students children.Give custody to father to pursue school?
it is unrealistic for a single parent to %26quot;put %26quot;career options and school (if available) on hold.
if your child has a good relationship with his father and and you believe he is responsible, then i would go for it. he is just as much his parent as you are. the only thing that makes a difference is society today seems to think that children %26quot;should%26quot; be with the mother.
i personally would stick it out and keep my son, HOWEVER, i didn't feel the need for self discovery or a demanding career. i would also go absolutely crazy without my children. then again, i want to be a stay at home mom and that is what me and my husband are working on now.
you cannot depend on your parents or anyone else forever. when you get your degree you will make alot of money to provide a great education, nice home, and enough money to enrich all your sons possibilites that you might not be able to do, if you don't pursue thisi would go to court for joint custody, not full. that way weekends, breaks and, holidays are a set thing. that is safe for any split up , only becuase parents (both mom %26amp; dad) can get mad and stupid and use things against you. then when you have established joint custody, work a schedule out with the father to determine the best way that meets the needs of your son. make sure you are there to pick him up everytime, no matter what. no relationship, class, work schedule or anything should ever interfere. you will be seeing him less now, and your friends, work etc. needs to understand no matter what , he comes first. that will be what would cause him to resent you, if you become completely involved with your own %26quot;self-discovery%26quot; and tend to forget about his need to see you. as far as your parents go-i think from what you said, that you need to get out of there as soon as possible. they seem to be swaying you with your decisions about your son, and that is never a good thing, unless you ask specifically for their help. if they offered to help, then changed their mind becuase they think the major you chose is not what they %26quot;think%26quot; is right for you, then that is being selfish.Give custody to father to pursue school?
I think you should give custody to the father while you go to school. Because this is your dream and you need to pursue it. Also, if you do, you will be able to support your child on your own financially when he is a little bit older. I do not think he will resent you because of his young age. In addition to that if you give custody to his father, your son can meet his other family and adjust with them too. I think that it would be unfair for your son not to be able to live with his father, and be with the other half that he came from. You had him at first an now it is your ex's turn.Give custody to father to pursue school?
I know how you feel - EXACTLY. I had 1yr of college under my belt when I learned I was pregnant. I stopped school and began to work to support my son. This went on for 8yrs, during which, I had another child....2 boys now. Although I LOVE my boys I too felt like I missed out on my %26quot;young%26quot; years. I wanted to graduate and have fun like everyone else I knew. After all I was only 19 when I had my first. I didn't have help either - from the father or just about anyone else. I worked full time, had them in day care, and lived in an apartment - no public assistance either.
In the past yr or 2 ( I'm now 30 ) now that I am married and stay at home I see what I missed out on my boys life and how extremely selfish my thinking was I guess due in part to lack of maturirty. I was at work and the were in daycare while they were growing up. I regret being away from them all day - just to pick them at 6 o'clock. I understand what you are feeling, but I think you will eventually regret your decision if you give up custody. Regret is a horrible thing to live with. Your babies are only little once and they grow up before you know it.
Right now I go to school while they are in school - maybe something you can do too?? Just an idea.
I wish you the best of luck.
